Curbed “Bowery Hotel’s Blingtastic $30k/Month Loft”

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The Bowery Hotel is renting out a super fancy full-floor loft for $30,000 per month, and in fact, according to StreetEasy, the hotel has been trying to snare a tenant since October, when the price was $40k/month.

The only reason we’re wise to it now is this e-mail, which immediately enters the pantheon of greatest superamazingawesome Curbed e-mails of all time. It begins:

Who’s going to the first a-lister, oil tycoon, shipping magnate’s son, hedge fund manager -or date we suggest, Park Avenue billionaire looking for a second lair *wink* *wink* to scoop one of ONLY 2 lofts perched atop the Bowery Hotel???

Yes, even among the money-no-object crowd, reneging has become the new buying – especially in the apparently impervious Manhattan market.

Need proof? Aimed at the blingtastic crowd who wish to remain low-key these two rental penthouses will go for $30,000 a month ($35,000 furnished)

Spendy but trendy. Big ‘bad-boys and bad girls’ can wow their friends with 360 views of the Manhattan skyline as they piss Cristal off the balcony and contemplate the night’s activities.

And there’s more! We’ll present it in chunks, combined with more panty-dropping photos from the listing.

“What else goes one get for $30-35K a month? ((violins please)) Robin Leach voice… and go…

…The flair and charm of a bygone era; a level of opulence tailored toward the Bowery’s full-service, luxury living aesthetic. Both penthouses provide residents the highest levels of safety, privacy and anonymity they require. (Read: exclusive pass key elevator access + private route to penthouse)”

“Yes, INSERT CELEBRITY”S NAME HERE: ( ) can enter their penthouse away from the paparazzi’s flashes via the Bowery’s secret entrance that Bruce Wayne would swoon over…

Other amenities include gourmet chef’s kitchen; spa style bathrooms; cavernous closets; fireplace and rich red brick exteriors.”

“The idea, says developers Jerry Rosengarten and Noam Newman ‘is to have the private living experience that moguls and movie stars had in their Manhattan lairs 60 or 70 years ago without the trappings of stuffy old-style Midtown hotels.’

For movie studios or prominent foreign corporations the penthouses are an ideal choice because they circumvent the complications and carrying charges of a condo or coop. These units would sell for $5mil+ in today’s market. The developers see the rental concept as a bargain and are flexible at negotiating lease terms and duration.” Um, we have nothing to add.